My Life, According to Buddy

My life according to Buddy. What a joke. Sometimes I feel like I have no life. Get up, go to work, come home and go to bed. Sometimes, I feel like I am only working only for my wife and not us. My wife, as you know in my earlier post, has depression. She no longer works because of it. She get her disablitly and all, but sometimes I feel like it is no longer about us, it is all about her. Sometimes I feel cheated out of things. She is "retired" at 52 while I have to work the rest of my life until I die or no longer able to work. I feel like that part in "City Slickers" when they are talking and one says something to affect that you wake up one day and realize what you have is all you are going to have. As he puts it, "This is the best it is going to get." realizing that "the best" isn't really that good. That is how I feel. I so much want to go and do and see things in this country and we were almost at that point in our lives where we could do that, and now, I don't know.

Then I think about what I do have. I got my three babies, all grown and married of course. Four grandchildren.

I have dreams that I know because of her depression, I will no longer be able to achive. They were not big dreams, but they were my dreams. I guess I should say, I HAD dreams and they were taken away from me. I am getting older, 56, and know that I can't do things like I used to and life is quickly going past me. Don't get me wrong, I do not blame my wife, it is all part of life.

I hope that other spouses of people with depression, find this post and can tell me how they deal with it. I know I am here for the long haul. As I said alittle over 35 years, "in sickness and in health until death do us part".